I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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