So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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