there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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