she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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