Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So much rum. So many feels.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
