The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You pole danced in your parka.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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