you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
its not stalking. its research.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
