He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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