I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
