Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
