They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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