Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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