How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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