That's intense
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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