we're chasing vodka with high fives
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
