and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
