I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
