How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
