That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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