Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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