I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
