I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
