Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
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No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
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It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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