Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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