Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
