Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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