I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
