put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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