I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
