Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
