If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
