Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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