This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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