i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
