I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
