Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i came on her dog
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
