It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
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He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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