the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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