you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
