He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
