If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
