I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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