Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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