Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
