Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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