You're my little dorito
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
