Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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