I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
