Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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