i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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