I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
