you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
