Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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