He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
