My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I smell like Dick and happiness
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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