Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
