I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize