I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
