he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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