Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Two words: blizzard sex
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
